NORMAL – Stephanie Demboski runs the adult faith formation ministry at Epiphany Parish in Normal.

On Jan. 28, she started a new grief group for those who had lost a child.

As can be imagined, it’s a particularly wrenching grief.

FEELING OF ISOLATION

“It’s so hard, oh my gosh . . . but it’s so good to be able to see people open up,” Demboski said. In the beginning, that opening up was difficult. “Nobody wants to talk about it, and it feels weird to everybody . . . . they just feel alone.”

The group has the remedy for that: connection. “Last night they were comparing funny stories of things people have said to them, oh, and how they dealt with that . . . and they all looked a lot better by the time they left.”

The first night 15 people showed up, and there’s been an ebb and flow – something like the stages of grief itself. Participants are drawn to the healing.

Demboski said they “start with prayer,” and follow a program developed by Red Bird Ministries, a Catholic grief support ministry for individuals and couples who have experienced the loss of a child anywhere from pregnancy through adulthood.

ORDINARY FAMILIES, EXTRAORDINARY CROSS

As the Red Bird website says, “We help ordinary families who have been given an extraordinary cross to carry.”

The process involves talking through emotions, reflecting on scripture, and Demboski adds there’s even some homework, “in a good way . . . . something that encourages you to have time with your spouse,” such as a date night or prayer time.

It’s all about combatting the isolation of grief.

LOSSES SPAN PRE-BORN – ADULT

Demboski knows this grief personally.

(from left) John Harris, Stephanie Demboski and Jan Emmert were on hand at the Catholic Spirit Radio in Normal on Jan. 28 to discuss a support group at Epiphany Parish for grieving parents. (Supplied photo)

As she explained in an interview that aired on the Catholic Conversations program on Catholic Spirit Radio on Catholic Spirit Radio, “I have had two miscarriages – Daniel and Theodore – and so it is something that is close to my heart.”

Jan Emmert and John Harris, participants in the Epiphany grief group, joined Demboski on the Catholic Conversations program (hosted by Paul Garcia).

Emmert said that she had lost two adult daughters (aged 27 and 35) in 2017 and 2023, respectively. Harris lost a son, Joey, in 2024, aged 22.

All agreed that the core value of such a group is each other. As Demboski described it, “The hardest part of losing a child shouldn’t be that you have no one to share it with.”

“THE WORST CLUB EVER”

Demboski admitted that to be counted among those who have lost a child is “the worst club ever.” Still, it’s a blessing to be in the company of those who understand. And even if someone hasn’t shared the grief of child loss, they can help.

In the past, she said, she hesitated to approach the grieving, “For fear of saying the wrong thing, I wouldn’t say anything, which comes off to them like, ‘You’re ignoring my child and my grief.’”

Just saying something helps, she said.

“Telling them that you missed their child or you thought of their child today, it breaks their heart but in a good way. They want that broken heart . . .  to think of the good moments, to remember when he did something cute.”

The 10-week Epiphany Parish program takes place on Tuesday evenings and runs until April 1.

DISCUSSIONS RE: EXPANDING PROGRAM

Domboski has talked with the diocese about continuing and expanding the program, not just at Epiphany, but elsewhere, potentially involving a couples’ workshop over the summer and a weekend program for clergy. In particular, she suggested, “We need to get this to the junior clergy; this is stuff they need to know.”

The Jan. 28 Catholic Conversations interview is available on the Catholic Spirit Radio website at https://catholicspiritradio.podbean.com/e/healing-through-faith-a-new-catholic-grief-support-program/

For additional information, contact Stephanie Demboski at Stephanie.Demboski@epiphanyparish.com