Photo Caption: Two of the 65 participants in the diocesan Day of Reflection for the Widowed and Divorced spend private reflection time in the prayer garden of St. Patrick’s Church of Merna in Bloomington.

By: By Tom Dermody

BLOOMINGTON — Those who are experiencing the pain of losing a spouse through death or divorce are called to trust and hope in a Risen Savior who, like them, still has wounds.

“I take great comfort that my Lord and Savior is broken,” said Father Albert Haase, OFM, keynote speaker at a diocese-wide day of reflection for the widowed and divorced that drew 65 participants to St. Patrick’s Church of Merna here on Aug. 6.

But while the Risen Christ still bore the wounds of crucifixion, his mercy and forgiveness “always have the final word,” said Father Albert, a popular spiritual director, author, and radio personality who resides just west of Chicago. Those ho are hurting should turn to Jesus as “savior” and “redeemer” and not “leave him unemployed.”

Using Scripture as well as deeply personal stories from his own family life — including of his father’s suicide — Father Albert repeatedly assured those who have experienced loss that the same loving God who feeds the birds of the air and clothes the flowers in the field (Matthew 6) “is going to take care of you.”

“We might have said goodbye to the dream of a perfect marriage, or to someone we love dearly, and we may feel very much alone . . . . but God can be trusted,” said Father Albert. He frequently referred to God as “Abba,” the intimate word Jesus used for the Father and an image that “challenges us to heroic love, forgiveness and compassion.”

CONTINUING THE JOURNEY
The annual gathering is planned by the Widowed and Divorced Diocesan Advisory Board and the Office of Family Life. Past board member Kevin Vannatta, of Holy Trinity Parish in Bloomington, served as emcee.

“Like you, I’ve suffered loss in my life,” said Vannatta in opening remarks. “It’s never an easy thing to go through. This day, hopefully, will be a beginning for you as you continue the journey.”

Offering direction for that journey was Father Albert, who acknowledged the wound of grief “never heals” but in time “it does stop bleeding.”

He challenged those who are widowed or divorced to use their experiences to “be the body of Christ” for others who are hurting in their families, parishes and communities. It can be as simple as sending a card with a note that says “I know you’re going through a tough time in life. I understand.”

Father Albert’s own understanding of loss — and a faith-filled response to it — stems from his father’s suicide in 1968 when he was only 13. He watched as his mother, with three young children still at home, lived the trust in God urged by Jesus in the sixth chapter of Matthew’s Gospel as she got an education, a job, and raised her family.

Father Albert’s voice cracked with emotion as he described an encounter with his mother nearly four decades later when she was in the end stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Finding the family Bible in her room, he noticed that chapter was the only one underlined and he chided her for not reading anything else.

Her mind suddenly clearing, Father Albert’s mother opened her eyes and told her son, “There’s only one teaching you need to know. ‘Look at the birds.'”

Father Albert said that while his father’s suicide remains a tragic loss, it has not been in vain. As he shares the story of his family’s “redemptive suffering” around the country, “Daddy has now given life to others.”

THE GRACE OF FORGIVENESS
A key to continuing the journey after loss, said Father Albert, is forgiveness.

“Whether it’s having to forgive God for taking away a loved one in death, or forgiving an ex-spouse, there’s always a challenge when it comes to forgiving,” said Father Albert.

In addition to being called to follow the example of Christ — who taught our forgiveness should know no boundaries and whose dying wish was to forgive those who were putting him to death — “there comes a point for our own happiness” that we need to choose to forgive.

“It takes a lot of emotional energy to keep a grudge alive,” said Father Albert. “You’re just continuing the betrayal.” But Jesus, he said, challenges us “to get rid of the Velcro and bathe in Teflon. Don’t let it stick.”

When forgiveness is especially difficult, he urged those in attendance to acknowledge their struggle in prayer.

“It’s a gift of the Holy Spirit,” said Father Albert of forgiveness. “It’s a grace.”

MASS PLANNED OCT. 9
Members of the Widowed and Divorced Diocesan Advisory Board include Father Ronald Dodd, Karen Biggs, Joyce Cover, Susan Emhoff, Colleen Gratton, Renee Lane, Linda Nicholls, and Carol Tyra.

Bishop Daniel R. Jenky, CSC, has invited persons from throughout the Diocese of Peoria to attend a Mass for the Widowed and Divorced on Sunday, Oct. 9, beginning at 10:30 a.m. at St. Mary’s Cathedral in Peoria.
A continental breakfast with the bishop will follow the Mass at the Spalding Pastoral Center.

For additional information on that celebration, or to offer suggestions regarding ministry to the widowed and divorced, contact the Office of Family Life at (309) 671-1550.