Following is the full text of a homily given by Father Terry Cassidy, pastor of St. Ann’s Parish in Peoria, on Dec. 16. Excerpts were printed in the Dec. 23 issue of The Catholic Post.

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Here it is the third week of Advent. This is the weekend I ask the people in the pews, for the 14th year, “What’s missing from our stable?”

First, I must mention that long before I came here as pastor, St. Ann’s Men’s Club had traditionally set up the Crib on the Monday after the first Sunday of Advent. So I have kept that tradition. Except each week we add to the stable; straw, animals, sheep and shepherds etc.

So, on the third Sunday of Advent, I ask my question, “What is missing from the stable?” They respond “Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the angels and the wise men.” Then I say, “No! The smell! Our stable does not have the ‘smell’ of a real stable.” No animal waste (manure, urine, flies, dirt, and the ‘smell’) from the cows, horses, sheep and especially the donkey Mary and Joseph came with. Thank the Dear Lord for that!

However, when I was having down time during the Advent seasonc the most marvelous thought came to me as I looked at our stable. This is where Jesus chose to be born?in the messes of life.

What got me thinking about this? I have always had a difficult time at Christmas. Every Christmas for years I became very depressed at this time of year. I became aware of this only because friends and people would ask me “What’s wrong?” My typical response was “Nothing.” Then, after I went into therapy and treatment for alcoholism, the answers seemed to come to me after many years of therapy, and taking medicine for depression. I knew the reason why I felt the depression and sadness during the holidays and especially at Christmas was how I experienced Christmas growing up.

I use to fight with myself. I mean, it’s Christmas! Why do I hate this time of the year? I am to Be HAPPY, for the love of Christ. I am a priest! Right? Why cannot I practice what I preach? What’s wrong with me?

Every Advent I would lose my voice or come down with something on at least one weekend. I never put any of it together with the coming of holidays and especially for Christmas Day. However, growing up in my home, there was nothing but “Hell” in the holiday season and on Christmas Day itself. Both my mom and dad were raised in alcoholic homes. Neither of my parents drank to excess when I was growing up, and later in their lives neither of them drank at all. However, I remember my father telling me about a year before he died, “Alcohol , ruined my childhood. There was a lot of drinking during the Season.”

I began to put two and two together, so to speak. Both of my grandfathers died from alcoholism. My dad’s father died before I was born, and my mom’s father died when I was 6 years old. My dad’s father was a “good old boy” and spent all his money on drink, and there was never enough for food or housing because Grandfather spent in on alcohol. Therefore, my dad never spent a dime if he did not have to, and what he did buy had to be on sale and/or the least expensive , if he bought anything at all.

My mom’s dad, well he never gave my mother anything, not for her birthday, holidays or Christmas. She never received anything from her dad so, to meet her needs, she grew up buying nice things for herself (and for others as well). My mom always needed better which caused us to move a lot, because of her restlessness and need for a” better “meant we never stayed long enough anywhere to put down any roots build a true home. Thus for me, I never put down any roots either. Besides it is harder to hit a moving target.

Now say “Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!” Hell-Oh!

On Christmas Day, as a family, we would get up and open presents. Then, about noon, it would all begin. The fights and arguments would start. In the end, Mom would take back what Dad got her, because it was too cheap. Dad would take back what Mom bought him and pocket the money. It is very difficult to for me to buy gifts ? I spent too much or not enough. As a result of my mom and dad’s behavior, the only time I find peace with myself is when I buy nice things on sale!

Now I come to why I am writing this message and the real meaning of Christmas for me. I wish to share this with you. When I sat and looked at our crib in the church, it struck me, Jesus was born in a stable. A messy, smelly, fly infested stable filled with manure and urine! I am sure, Mary and Joseph wanted better for their son, Jesus. I mean, even if they cleaned out the stable around them, it would once again get messy and dirty. I am sure this is not how they envisioned the birth of their baby, especially knowing He was God! How horrible and painful it must have been for them.

Then the most marvelous thought came to me. I didn’t want Christmas to be the way it was for me either. Christmas was not the vision of all I hoped it would be. Where, oh where, was that Norman Rockwell “turkey dinner and family?” Dear God, it hurt to think how painful the holidays were and how lonely they could be. Then I heard that voice inside of me say, “I came to be with you in the messiness of your life. You do not have to have your act together for me to come to you.”

So, I wish to give and offer this message to you and to everyone who also find Christmas difficult. You have the freedom to be ok with not being happy or excited during the holidays. You don’t have to have your act together at Christmas. Or have your house in order!

Christ came into the world with angels singing shouts of joy in the middle of a smelly and messy stable. He wanted to entered into the world this way. This is where Jesus met us, the real meaning of Christmas. Christmas is really a time where we can be who we are.

I sure, for some of you, like me, the holidays are not always what we think they “should or ought” be. The Norman Rockwell or Currier and Ives family are far from most families norm.

Perhaps you, or a loved one, or your child, or a family member or a friend are sick or dying. Some of you are missing a loved one. They could be at war or away at school and cannot get away to come home. Or they are missing, lost or have died. Some of you are in a divorce, or separation. Alone for the first time or estrange from loved ones.

Others are facing the holiday with dread because of fighting over whose family they will have to go to in order not to hurt anyone. “We were at you’re family for thanksgiving so it is my family for Christmas.” Maybe, like my family, you have in-law and out-law relatives who are impossible to get along with, and who love to start fights and arguments when they coming over.

Then there is all the partying and drinking going on. Moreover, there is the fear that the one person you dread seeing will or might show up, or that you will have to go see them. They may have hurt you physically, emotionally or sexually, but you have to behave around them and pretend as if nothing is wrong and nothing happened, and for the sake of the family, ” Please don’t talk about it.”

Sadly, because of the Season, if you lost a child by having a miscarriage, or a death, or an abortion, or you are not able to have a baby, this time of the year just brings up more pain. Furthermore, if you or a family member have lost a job or been laid off, you’re worried about bills that have not been paid and/or wondering not only how you are going to pay them, but how can you buy presents for anyone? Moreover, there is the expectation placed on us, or we place on ourselves.

How about the world? You’re worried about the world and what the future may bring. You just don’t like holidays, period.

Well, this homily is for you. Jesus Christ came to be with us and in our sometimes “crappy,” smelly, and messy lives. He is not asking you or me to be anything other than ourselves. In a lowly, poor stable, He came to be born to meet us and be our “EMMANUEL — GOD WITH US.”

So if nothing goes right, or something or someone fails you, it is ok not to feel or be happy or think that there is something wrong with you because you are not in the holiday mood.

Christmas is not just one day. It is a life-changing event where God desires a relationship with us right in the middle of our daily and sometimes messy lives. It means we don’t have to have our act or life cleaned up first in order for Jesus to come into our lives, our spaces and/or our homes. God’s desire and love is that we will let Him come in to us. Even if it is smelly, messy and, yes, even sometimes “crappy.” This is where Jesus chooses to meet and be with us.

So be at peace wherever you are in your journey in life and especially during the Christmas and holiday seasons. This is not only where Jesus started his own life, but also where we will find and meet Him. Christmas is truly not just for children anymore, It is a reminder that Jesus came to make a new home in our hearts, His new stable.

“Go forward in procession with branches even to the altar. You are my God. I thank you. My God, I praise you. I give thanks to the lord for He is good for His love endures forever.”( Psalm. 16.)

Before I close this homily, I wish to add that Christmas is getting better in that, before my mother and father died, I made better memories with them. I also did a lot of reconciling with them. Moreover, I have been here at St. Ann’s parish going on now almost 15 years, longest I have ever been in one spot all my life. I am making new traditions with my priest friends and the people of St. Ann’s have helped me heal many of my old wounds. I don’t even lose my voice or get sick during Advent as I did.

Moreover, I love reading Christmas stories to the children on Christmas Eve and the older I get I see more and more hope.

So now when I have a “crappy,” messy, and smelly day where people and things don’t act right or the world does not go my way, well, I think of the Christmas stable and laugh thinking even on Jesus birth, Mary and Joseph didn’t have a “Norman Rockwell turkey dinner” either.

Merry Christmas. — Fr. Terry