Jesus experienced incredible suffering before he was laid in the tomb, but his story didn’t end there and neither can the stories of persons who have lost a spouse through death or divorce, according to Vince Frese, vice president of Journey of Hope Productions.

In keynote sessions at the first-ever Diocesan Conference for the Widowed and Divorced on June 26 he challenged his listeners to hold on to “the living Christ” for hope and support.

“You can’t walk the journey on your own, you can’t heal yourself,” Frese said. “You have to let the living Christ help you write your resurrection story, otherwise you’ll be going in circles.”

The 80 people who attended the conference at the Spalding Pastoral Center in Peoria had an opportunity to spend time with the risen Lord in the Eucharist throughout the day. Morning prayer included exposition of the Blessed Sacrament and adoration was available in a nearby conference room that had been transformed into a chapel.

The conference ended at St. Mary’s Cathedral, with a Mass celebrated by Bishop Daniel R. Jenky, CSC.

While he was unable to join them for morning prayer as planned, the bishop offered them words of comfort and reassurance in an 11-minute DVD, “Message for the Divorced.” A project of Bishop Jenky and the Widowed and Divorced Diocesan Advisory Board, it debuted at the conference and copies were given to each participant.

To show the board’s gratitude for his support, a mounted copy of the disc and a plaque were prepared for the bishop and presented to Msgr. Paul Showalter, vicar general of the Diocese of Peoria, on his behalf. Conference participants got to see Bishop Jenky’s joy at the end of Mass, when Msgr. Showalter made good on his promise to place their gift in the hands of its rightful recipient.

In addition to the keynotes and the opportunities for prayer, the Widowed and Divorced Diocesan Advisory Board planned a variety of workshops dealing with annulments, dating and intimacy after divorce, grief, healing and prayer.

HE SURRENDERED
Frese said he knows what it’s like have a “front row seat of hell.” That’s where he was 10 years ago when he was going through a difficult divorce he hadn’t sought and a contentious custody battle for his three children.
“I’m a faithful Catholic. I have been all my life,” he said. “But I found that I was putting my faith out there — dragging it in when I needed it and then pushing it back out.”

The turning point came in July 2002 when he fell to his knees and surrendered his life to Christ. The feeling of peace he got when he did that has only grown, Frese said.

In the years that followed he reached out to others who had been hurt by divorce. Along the way he met Lisa Duffy, president and co-founder of Journey of Hope Productions and is now vice president of the Atlanta-based company.

Duffy was also present at the conference and walked participants through the leader’s guide to “Catholic. Divorced. Now What?”

In December 2007, Frese married his wife Monica, who also has three children from a previous marriage. This modern “Brady Bunch” grew by one last year when their son Vincent was born.

TRANSFORMED
To help conference participants tap into the power of their Catholic faith, Frese told them the resurrection stories of Mary Magdalene, Peter and the disciples on the road to Emmaus. Each of them were heartbroken at the death of Jesus and so blinded by grief that they didn’t recognize the Lord when he appeared to them. When they did, the experiences were so profound that it changed their lives.

He encouraged them to let Christ heal them through the Eucharist at Mass — not only on Sundays but through the week. Jesus is also present in the tabernacle and available any time of the day or night, Frese reminded them.

Noting that the sacrament of reconciliation is a healing sacrament, he advised them to “avail yourself of it.”

“Scripture is where the living Christ speaks to you. . . . It’s how he heals us,” Frese said, noting that even 10 or 15 minutes of reading and reflection each day can bear fruit.

And prayer — preferably sitting quietly in the presence of God — can have a transforming effect, he said. Frese starts each day with the Angelus and a decade of the rosary, which he called his “warm up.”

He said he hoped the day would prove to be a milestone in the years to come.

“I hope you can look back and see that this is when you allowed the living Christ to stand beside you,” Frese said.